“Airplane!”: an almost true story

by

I told you about my sweet trip from Paris to Marseille. You might be interested in the flight to Casablanca. At the very last moment, I had to choose a low cost company because it was actually the only to allow takeoffs. I should have found it weird but anyway, I didn’t have another solution. I wouldn’t regret. Thanks to a lucky coincidence, there was an exhibition of old planes in our terminal. I would finally see the brothers Wright’s airplane. When I asked a steward if I could get closer to the piece of collection, he started laughing: that was the plane for my flight. Are you kidding me? No he wasn’t except when he added “have a safe trip.”  Then the steward, actually the only member of the crew, told us the security warnings:

–          Your attention, you’re about to fly for Casablanca…

So far, so good.

-… in case of trouble, you have a Koran under your seat, in case of depressurization, a Koran will fall in front of you…

Hmm, I had some doubts about this method while I was trying to attach my belt. The belt? Which belt? I was naïve enough to ask the question to the steward.

–          Oh I forgot, If you are a bit nervous during the take off, you can smoke a cigarette, stretch your legs or telephone your mother.

OK man, you’re laughing at me. Really? He actually started to smoke quietly then move towards the cabin. The captain told us the flight indications.

–          It is 15 degrees Celsius in Marseille…

This voice… I could recognize this voice. It was the steward’s!

–          Now we’re gonna start. Please gentlemen, would you mind pushing the plane and get on it as soon as you hear the engine?

We were not enough men so a pregnant woman and a 5 years old kid had to help us. That was pretty cool from us but bad luck for the kid, he would not be tall enough to get on the plane.

–          Don’t worry for him, he will have the next flight in 24 hours. If he is resilient, he may survive.

We all suddenly felt much better.

–          Now guys, another detail. To promote sport, our company has imagined a little game. When I have to turn left, you will hear this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwQbPgouUYo

–          That means that people in the left row will have to jump.

–          When I turn right, you will hear this:

–          That means that people in the right row will have to jump. And when you hear this:

–          You should read the Koran because you’ll have to dive into the sea.

All that began created a bit of nervousness. Fortunately, somebody brought us drinks. The steward-pilot of course! He politely warned us that there might be turbulences until he finished serving food and drinks. Mineral water would cost the price of vine, vine would cost the price of your car. Forget about champagne, it would cost your home sweet home.Very high prices for a very very very very low cost company. I read all the Koran in one flight but I would never know how the plane could finally succeeded in landing. Except a heart attack – as usual precised the captain-steward-doctor – we were all safe. At Casablanca, the elevator played the Van Halen’s song. Once in my room, I opened the window and I jumped, go ahead jumped.

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2 Responses to ““Airplane!”: an almost true story”

  1. Tracey Says:

    Good thing you had something to read!

  2. labeille Says:

    I’m rolling on the floor laughing. Amazing trip i love that, i just hope that’s a dream. Tonight i will fly to Mauritius and during 12 hours it will be quiet i hope so. Hamdoullilah.

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